Time

Wow, I've been away for a while and I've gotten over 160 views in the meantime! My muse has been hiding from me and I haven't thought of anything special to say. Now I have something!

Time. People with ADHD often experience time differently than neurologically normal people. Sometimes we start to do something. Like on last Saturday, I started to sew a skirt! I started at three by cutting the cloth. I start sewing with my machine and next thing I know, it's 7pm and I'm starving. Where did all the time go? This is called hyperfocusing. Time ceases to exist. There is nothing but what we're focusing. Even our bodies own signals aren't enough to "wake us up." I was starving when I was finishing. I didn't notice anything until I was done. Hyperfocusing is one classic sign of ADHD. It's one of the few times, when we don't suffer from lack of attention. Or which I prefer to call, attention to the whole world. The world and everything in it doesn't exist to us.

I've also noticed that time runs differently depending if I'm on ADHD meds or nor. Before them, time ran quickly. One hour was like one minute. Time would disappear into the chaos of my mind. I might be late for anything because I lost track of time. It would be everyday for me. Time just disappeared. I guess when the brain is full of everything, rambling thoughts, sounds, images, it's hard to keep track of time.
Now, that I'm on stimulants, time has slowed down. I get more things done. Sometimes when I'm cleaning and I've done the living room, part of the kitchen and bathroom, I come to take a short rest, I notice, I've only cleaned for one hour. I have more time. It's like I'm in a time machine. This comes with a down side as well. There is too much time. If I'm upset or tired, waiting two hours until I can go to sleep, feels like forever. And then people tell me it gets better. I hate that saying. When does it get better? How many eternities do I have to wait? One day is like a week for me, so waiting few years? Yeah, that's not good.. Even waiting to the next day is really long time. Getting bored can be really easy being like this. However it has a good side too. It's very easy living in the moment. The moment is generally good. Right now, spring is starting, snow is melting, it's getting warmer and I get to wear skirts soon! Hopefully the one I just made. People are more open and happy with the sun coming out. I get to notice all these things!

Breaking expectations

I love breaking people's expectations about me. I know I can look a certain way. If I'm working, I look quite professional. I work in a relaxed place, so I look bit too secretary at times. On my free time, I tend to look bit like a vampire queen. One of my exes actually didn't know I dressed that way normally, and got bit of a surprise. When we dated, I wore pretty normal clothes because of weather and he saw me in my natural look after we had broken up. That was fun!

People often assume I'm goth. I'm not. I think vampire is more accurate. I wear often black clothes. I like the colour and I tend to prefer bit unusual cuts as well. I do wear purple as well. Some people expect me to be all angsty and moody because I wear unusual black clothes, and then they get happy, easily excited and hyperactive me! Also black looks good on me!

And I also tend to favour very feminine style. If at all possible, I will wear a skirt! And tops to fit womanly curves. I look pretty feminine. Today I managed to shock people by telling I can fix a bike tire. Seriously. I can even change car tire if I have all the equipment. It's not like it's that hard! And then I turn on my music. I don't really know how this surprises people, because of the goth look, but I listen to heavy music. Right now Disturbed is my choice, especially in the mornings, and other times I listen to bands like Sonata Arctica. Especially at work, people get really shocked when it's my turn to choose music...

And it's fun when people realise I'm a big nerd! I definetly don't look like one. I play board games, watch scifi movies and tv-shows, larp, rpg. Only thing I don't know much is comics and that's from lack of opportunity.