Thursday 29 May 2014
Weird Experience
I've got three exams in three weeks and I'm busy studing now especially with the play being over. I've been reading today and my goal is to read at least 50 pages. Now I've been reading about hour and a half and I've read 30 pages with notes! With no difficulties! I have only twice gotten sidetracked and had to get up twice to stretch. This is very weird!! Normally I can ready very little at a time, few pages, and go back a lot to reread something, I do alot of other stuff in between. I love Concerta! I can remember alot easier the stuff I've read and I can make pretty coherent notes as well. And I don't get confused as much, going between book and notes. I can even remember where I was reading when I do back to the book. I know alot of people think this normal but not me. To me studying is really hard. It takes about twice much work for me than someone neurologically normal. Reason why I am so behind on my studies... I'm actually starting to like studying. I've even managed to contact teacher my email about course work and not think about it for days: I should do this. I'm bit excited to see how this studying will pay off, will I get normal grades, will the exam be the same hell as usually or not. Bit worried about reading 5 books and alots of online material for these. Will my brain explode before this is over... The exam I*m reading right now is about racism and it is fascinating. I can't understand it so I'm drawn to it from the unknown perspective. It's shaped societies since who knows how long. I'm minoring in Sociology.
Monday 26 May 2014
Senses
There is this thing called Sensory Processing Disorder. I guess it's most common with autism BUT IT DOES APPEAR WITH OTHER BRAIN RELATED ISSUES!! Such as AD(H)D, dyslexia or other learning disabilities. Everytime I meantion it, people start asking about autism. I know something about it but as far as I'm aware, I don't have it. All the test I've taken seem to say I don't have it, I don't have any problems with people. Well some but it's lack of experience in those situations. I am quick to read situations and people and to my knowledge accurately. Just because one group is more likely to have it, it doesn't mean other's won't.
But what is SPD. For me it's not being able to wear certain materials since they scratch or itch like hell. Seriously I think lace should be banned! and wool! I have oversensetive touch but I think only slightly anymore. It used to be alot worse.
Hearing? Yeah, I don't like sopranos or violin because of the pitch. The high notes hurt my ears. I don't like loud sounds. I get scared of sudden, not loud sounds pretty often. I hate my phone! All the sounds are so irritading. Anyway before I get sidetracked again.. Certain sounds literally hurt my ear. I loose concentration easily when there is a sound. Even music! I would like to say before someone gets offended that I think violin and soprano music is beautiful, it just hurts. I was once able to hear a leaking pipe and saved my parents some pretty big bills with that. It's not all bad. But it does mean, if there are multiple sound sources, I get easily confused. It's really difficult to concentrate on normal day let alone in a place where there are 20+ people plus music and other sounds. I do like dance clubs though. Music calms it down a bit. Which is why I use mp3 player outside. It helps with hearing sensetivity. But I love music in general. I love the harmony if different instruments and patterns. Cello is the most beautiful sounding instrument in the whole wide world.
Three to go. So next smell. Yeah.. I'm one of those who start feeling really nauseaus really quickly with smells. It takes a while to get over. I don't mind well matched perfume on someone as long as it's approriate amount. Not half the bottle! I like to have some scents on my home. I've got some incence sticks and candles. If it's mild, it's not a problem. Some combinations feel horrible though. The point is that not everyone are at the extreme end of this. Some can't handle any scents and some can't smell at all, but most people are somewhere in between towards one end. I like certain smells alot. Lilacs. I can't imagine not being able to smell them like I do.
Sight.. Yeah that's one of my worsts.. I can't go out without sunglasses even if it's not sunny outside. Bright lights hurt my eyes and I get headaches from this. Nothing too bad but it'll be annoying me for the rest of the day. Even being in the dark doesn't help. It'll leave on it's own at some point. Have to say with my sun allergy and light sensetivity, I do feel like a half vampire sometimes. That's one of the positives from this particular trait. One is that I can see colours really well, tell the difference. It's good with photography and drawing. and notice differences.
Last one, taste. That's the worst one for me. I have to be really careful what I put in my mouth. Most normal tasting foods are too much for me. I can't imagine drinking coffee black. The ratio with coffee and milk is about half and half. I hate tasting new foods. I've gotten physically sick from strong tastes or feeling of food. There are certain types of food I can't stand. They make me nauseaus. Like mashed anything. Or blended foods. Soups I can eat but don't like to eat. I like solid food. Weirdly I do like citrus alot! I can't eat things like candy since they are too sweet for me but lemons I can. I could take a bite of lemon if I wanted to. And taking a bite of chocolate is as close to heaven as I can think of. Milk chocolate though. It's unhealhtier but it tastes so good!
There are three points to this post I wanted to make. What Sensory Processing Disorder is, how it affects me and that it's like life, it's got it's good and bad points.
But what is SPD. For me it's not being able to wear certain materials since they scratch or itch like hell. Seriously I think lace should be banned! and wool! I have oversensetive touch but I think only slightly anymore. It used to be alot worse.
Hearing? Yeah, I don't like sopranos or violin because of the pitch. The high notes hurt my ears. I don't like loud sounds. I get scared of sudden, not loud sounds pretty often. I hate my phone! All the sounds are so irritading. Anyway before I get sidetracked again.. Certain sounds literally hurt my ear. I loose concentration easily when there is a sound. Even music! I would like to say before someone gets offended that I think violin and soprano music is beautiful, it just hurts. I was once able to hear a leaking pipe and saved my parents some pretty big bills with that. It's not all bad. But it does mean, if there are multiple sound sources, I get easily confused. It's really difficult to concentrate on normal day let alone in a place where there are 20+ people plus music and other sounds. I do like dance clubs though. Music calms it down a bit. Which is why I use mp3 player outside. It helps with hearing sensetivity. But I love music in general. I love the harmony if different instruments and patterns. Cello is the most beautiful sounding instrument in the whole wide world.
Three to go. So next smell. Yeah.. I'm one of those who start feeling really nauseaus really quickly with smells. It takes a while to get over. I don't mind well matched perfume on someone as long as it's approriate amount. Not half the bottle! I like to have some scents on my home. I've got some incence sticks and candles. If it's mild, it's not a problem. Some combinations feel horrible though. The point is that not everyone are at the extreme end of this. Some can't handle any scents and some can't smell at all, but most people are somewhere in between towards one end. I like certain smells alot. Lilacs. I can't imagine not being able to smell them like I do.
Sight.. Yeah that's one of my worsts.. I can't go out without sunglasses even if it's not sunny outside. Bright lights hurt my eyes and I get headaches from this. Nothing too bad but it'll be annoying me for the rest of the day. Even being in the dark doesn't help. It'll leave on it's own at some point. Have to say with my sun allergy and light sensetivity, I do feel like a half vampire sometimes. That's one of the positives from this particular trait. One is that I can see colours really well, tell the difference. It's good with photography and drawing. and notice differences.
Last one, taste. That's the worst one for me. I have to be really careful what I put in my mouth. Most normal tasting foods are too much for me. I can't imagine drinking coffee black. The ratio with coffee and milk is about half and half. I hate tasting new foods. I've gotten physically sick from strong tastes or feeling of food. There are certain types of food I can't stand. They make me nauseaus. Like mashed anything. Or blended foods. Soups I can eat but don't like to eat. I like solid food. Weirdly I do like citrus alot! I can't eat things like candy since they are too sweet for me but lemons I can. I could take a bite of lemon if I wanted to. And taking a bite of chocolate is as close to heaven as I can think of. Milk chocolate though. It's unhealhtier but it tastes so good!
There are three points to this post I wanted to make. What Sensory Processing Disorder is, how it affects me and that it's like life, it's got it's good and bad points.
Thursday 15 May 2014
side-effects
Ok lets try again!! I can't work the blogger with too much grace since I don't know how to undo the weird colour behind the text
So side-effects of Concerta. It doesn't work well with anxiety. I had to stop taking it for two days before the opening night of the play, since I was too nervous. Then started it again with hope I wouldn't get the starting side-effects. Which are panic attacks. They come out of nowhere and go away about as quickly as they come. I just had three panic attacks in one hour and then just stopped. Although green tea might have had something to do with it. I don't want caffeine with the drug since they have similar effects on the body. I was just standing in the queu for cashier's and it just started. I wasn't doing anything to trigger it and I was just listening to music on my mp3 player. ADHD kicking in again, I wrote mp5 player.. I wonder what that would be, you can't really play mp5... Anyway back to where I was. I knew what it was so I just waited for my turn and kept coughing. I don't know why but it's what I always do when I get panic attack. By the time I got all my stuff in my bag it was all over! well the first one was over.. When I got back home, I got two more. Then nothing. I feel a bit tired after all those but mentally ok. I know what causes them so they aren't that scary. It's a bit scary when they come out of nowhere. But knowing what they are helps! and remembering to breath and not get more anxious!
Tomorrow will be complitely different thank goodness!! Only worry tomorrow is that I remember all my lines and don't lose my voice overnight. I can barely talk after yesterday. I have to yell in the play and with a cold... Good thing is that Concerta really helping with acting. I can focus more on being on the stage. It's easier to remember lines, where to be, how I am related to audience, what I'm doing, what to feel. On a normal day, it's really exhausting for me. Too much going on. And with all that trying to keep focused on the right things and not get distracted by others. AND we're doing comedy so the stuff other's do is HILARIOUS!! I have to keep poker face through the whole thing and it's so much easier with this!! I'm not saying it's a miracle worker but for right people it makes life more.. I don't want to say easier but more manageable maybe? Life isn't easy but it doesn't need to be too difficult. If there are things to make it more manageable, I'm all for it!!
So side-effects of Concerta. It doesn't work well with anxiety. I had to stop taking it for two days before the opening night of the play, since I was too nervous. Then started it again with hope I wouldn't get the starting side-effects. Which are panic attacks. They come out of nowhere and go away about as quickly as they come. I just had three panic attacks in one hour and then just stopped. Although green tea might have had something to do with it. I don't want caffeine with the drug since they have similar effects on the body. I was just standing in the queu for cashier's and it just started. I wasn't doing anything to trigger it and I was just listening to music on my mp3 player. ADHD kicking in again, I wrote mp5 player.. I wonder what that would be, you can't really play mp5... Anyway back to where I was. I knew what it was so I just waited for my turn and kept coughing. I don't know why but it's what I always do when I get panic attack. By the time I got all my stuff in my bag it was all over! well the first one was over.. When I got back home, I got two more. Then nothing. I feel a bit tired after all those but mentally ok. I know what causes them so they aren't that scary. It's a bit scary when they come out of nowhere. But knowing what they are helps! and remembering to breath and not get more anxious!
Tomorrow will be complitely different thank goodness!! Only worry tomorrow is that I remember all my lines and don't lose my voice overnight. I can barely talk after yesterday. I have to yell in the play and with a cold... Good thing is that Concerta really helping with acting. I can focus more on being on the stage. It's easier to remember lines, where to be, how I am related to audience, what I'm doing, what to feel. On a normal day, it's really exhausting for me. Too much going on. And with all that trying to keep focused on the right things and not get distracted by others. AND we're doing comedy so the stuff other's do is HILARIOUS!! I have to keep poker face through the whole thing and it's so much easier with this!! I'm not saying it's a miracle worker but for right people it makes life more.. I don't want to say easier but more manageable maybe? Life isn't easy but it doesn't need to be too difficult. If there are things to make it more manageable, I'm all for it!!
Sunday 11 May 2014
Another day
One of the things I've also noticed is that I feel alone easier than normally. I think it's because wihtout the meds, I do alot, I don't concentrate much on anything and my brain keeps jumping ALOT! So now my brain is able to focus and slow down, it's bit more pronounced. I*m not afraid to admit, that I feel lonely. I feel it pretty quickly. Just a few hours and I want some company. I'm a bit too much of a people person.
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