More thoughts about ADHD

Now this is weird. I'm writing on a second day in a row! I've been making a small list about things I want to say. If I don't write something down in the same second I get the idea, it's lost forever. I think for me this is one of the worst symptoms of ADHD. Too fast brain. I keep forgetting important things like my insulins.

One thing I've been very worried about the meds, is how they will affect my personality. I'm impulsive, I've got a quick wit, I tend not to worry too much since I don't remember the thing I'm worried about for too long. ADHD does affect the personality somewhat. Then one night I realised while trying to fall asleep, I'll still be me. I'd like the impulsitivity to lessen quite a bit. I like being spontanious and I don't like living the same way every day. I love changes. I doubt that will change much no matter what. I'll still adapt. Maybe now I won't get so bored all the time when the every day life is so monotonious. I can't tell yet how this'll affect me. It's still too early for me. But I*m not worried about those effects anymore. I'll be me no matter what!

One of the things I've noticed while theatre practise is that I have alot of trouble to concentrate on the right things. I have to keep battling with my brain all the time. I get distracted so easily. I so wish my acting ability will get somewhat better when I can actually focuse on what I'm doing in that moment rather than everything. Usually I feel like I've got too much on my brain when I'm on stage. 

I haven't noticed much change in me now that this is day 4 on my meds. I don't want much chocolate anymore. Normally I always eat chocolate. And I always want more even though I just ate some. Now I've got at least 3 things I want to start today, lets see how many I actually start. Usually I get nowhere. Well I am here writing this so maybe some improvement is happening. I need to start looking info for one essay on Lingua Franca and start study diary at some point. And I've got to finish that damned English essay. It's giving me too much headache. I just hope I'll be able to read a book properly. Now it's more read line or two, then get sidetracked by something, a noise, thought.. I can't read if there is tv on. If there is any changing noices or lights, it keeps stealing my focuse. I don't want to read for fun since it's so difficult. I want to read but I hate it as well. I very rarely get hyperfocused. Well I can't really remember that happening since high school. Then I could just sit and read Harry Potter book without noticing anything around me. My mom would have to come and nudge me to get my attention. I wish that would happen with my course books but no luck so far...

Oh yeah me!

I just realised I could write something about me.. I am from Finland, born and raised. Eastern Finland to be accurate. I've travelled some, in particular Canada, France and Britain. I'm uncurable Anglophile, sorry!

I'm a nerd, I love scifi. I play some games on PC but my concentration doesn't really cut for playing them. I tend to get mad at the game pretty fast even though I normally almost never get angry. I do like playing car and other simulator games, and Skyrim. But more on the scifi stuff. I am a HUGE Stargate fan although I'll go for anything spacey and techy. My favourite character from Marvel is Iron Man. I love that he's flawed. And this is the reason why I like Loki as a character. I like complex characters. I actually love Snape as well since we don't know much anything about him and it keeps changing throughout the books. Yeah I'm a Harry Potter fan. I don't want to call myself Potterhead since I'm Slytherin. Here is the evidence from last Halloween! Come April I'll propably post something about Stargate Convention.

Right now I am studying English language and culture in University of Eastern Finland. I minor in cultural anthropology. Most of my free time goes into amateur theatre. I sing for fun and I can hold my note. But can't read them. I find it weird. I can read from mid C to first high C but beyond that I'm lost. I've been trying to learn for years. And theoretically I can read the rythm but in practise, not happening!!

I've got several health problems main ones being Diabetes type 1, hypothyroidism and ADHD. At some point, I will post somewhat angry post about diabetes. They tend to happen when ignorant people confuse it with type 2 or forget type 1 excists. I wish it didn't but it does and we have to live with it.

I apologise for the missing articles. I'm getting a bit better with them!! And some of my posts might be a bit confusing since my logic and coherence are a bit.. yeah well.. Oh look, a squirrel!!

ADHD and My Experiences with It

I've always been a bit weird child as long as I can remember. I never liked what the masses like. I was a nerd since I knew how to read. I never got along with the popular kids. I like the real characters. But aaanyway.. I knew something was wrong with me since I was 8. I couldn't read well. It was way to difficult. But with child's logic, I decided to hide it. It took me about two years to learn how to read properly. Once I found an interesting book, Star Wars pocket book, I started reading incredibly fast. I just figured I finally cought up with others.. At high school, I started to get t he reading problems again. What I learned later on that I got hypothyroidism at this point which made the problem worse. I considered going to the nurse with the thought of having Dyslexia. Well I didn't. Then more years later at University, I got the though again going to the nurse with Dyslexia since my reading ability was getting ridiculous. I could not concentrade on anything, I kept forgetting, skipping lines, words.. Noice somewhere, and I forgot everything I read in the last few minutes. At some point here I had read up on ADHD and realised this is me! I couldn't concentrade on anything. I couldn't remember anything more than few seconds untill something else came up. My cleaning was, start pick up things on the floor, "oh there's a fork, I'll take it to kitchen, what's my hair dryer doing in the kitchen, lemme take it to bathroom, oh clothes I'll put those away" and on it goes. I might remember the cleaning part days later when I saw a dust bunny hopping by. I took a test and I got 96 points on concentration and remembering. The limit to suggest ADHD was 75... Finally I made it to doctor's office. Few months after that I got an apointment to psychiatric doctor who leads the team on neuropsychology. At the first appointment he told me it sounded like I've got ADHD and I was so relieved. We made more appointments for diagnosis and treatments. Finally I was getting the help I needed.

At my last appointment, I got a Concerta trial. It is the most often used ADHD medication. It is a stimulant. Its effects last about 10 hours or is supposed to. I've taken it on two days now. Only thing I've notices I am always hungry. Which is sort of ironic since I was warned by the doctor and pharmacist it will most likely take away my appetite. I was already rooting for loosing a few kilos. No such luck. I've taken it on two days and I've noticed, I'm hungry, I get more tired in the evenings. This one could be from exhausting theatre. We're in the middle of a play season. We're just past the midway. I'm always exhausted when I get off stage. But this is more profound. I've fallen asleep more easily than normal. Often I've had trouble falling asleep when my brain won't shut off. It just keeps thinking about thousand things it doesn't need to. I haven't noticed anything in my school work. Well that's not entirely true. I noticed several mistakes in my own essay, which teacher in a few minutes pointed out to me. I've been reading that essay for weeks and not noticed anything.. Not sure if it was the paper form of the essay or the meds. Maybe it is helping since I am here writing this one. I showed some iniative!! and managed to start something. And now I am hungry again although I ate large breakfast about an hour ago. The meds are starting to kick in apparently.

I just thought I'd share my experiences with adult ADHD. It's been a process but an interesting one. I know I'm forgetting alot of stuff for this one but I'll add them in later posts. Like more symptoms and how this is going.