Me again

I've been keeping few days off since my life is so boring and I couldn't think of anything to write about. But yesterday I took a day off from Concerta. And wow did I notice difference!! I couldn't concertrade much on anything, I couldn't wake up like normally. I mean the type you do when you are already risen up from bed but you keep walking around like a zombie. And I couldn't fall asleep as easily as I have before. I got no school work done, couldn't really clean up either. My sense of time was so messed up. I went to computer, started doing stuff, looking at homework assigments, went to facebook and before I realised, I'd lost 2 hours!! That stopped happening with the meds. I could keep aware of the time so much better!! Well I can since I took them today normally. It's so weird! They are definetly doing something to me. I even forgot to take my insulin yesterday! The weirdest thign is to me that now on my meds, I can go do stuff and then come back to what I was doing before!! I can even go back on a sentence, put a comma and then go back writing without loosing my thought! Is this how normal people feel?? I have to say I like it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be normal! But doing things with this easiness.. I could get used to this! I never really realised how much more difficult ADHD makes life. This med is supposed to even out my brain to more normal level of brain function. ADHD is caused by low level brain activity in certain areas of the brain. It somewhat differs with different ADHD people. That's why the symptoms vary so much! I mean there are 2 types of it, Attention Deficit (and Hyperactivity) Disorder. The hyperactivity is in brackets since not every one has it, and then it's ADD. I'm hyper enought to power up a city if I was put on one of those huge wheel systems like with small animals for exercise!!

And I do notice my logic and thoughts are still a bit jumbled. I keep jumping from one thing to another. Not sure if that'll stick or will it dissapear with bigger dose. I like it! Althought doing essay it's not the best thing. But I have also noticed that when I do learning diary for a course, I can get original thoughts so much easier. I think I wrote about it before.. I think I should stop before I start repeating myself too much.

Bit pissed off about ignorance

I am on a rant today.. One of the main channels in Finland, for news and other tv-programs, had an article about how to avoid diabetes. Well I read it.. Drink lots of coffee. Yeah I'm sure that'll stop diabetes.. I'm sure I could have stopped mine!! Is it so hard to type in TYPE TWO DIABETES! There are so many types of diabetes. Type one: autoimmune disease. Usually happens with children although it's not resticted by age. Oldest woman to get it was 94. In it the own immune system kills off the cells making insulin. So someone with type one has to inject insulin or have a insulin pump. There is no miracle diet so you could not take insulin. There is no option to taking insulin. I've had to instances where I've been asked questions about this. First one was, how much weight have you lost. NO it's not a polite question. And the answer was none. Weight loss doesn't help! well in the sense that it helps with the amount of insulin you've gotta take and blood sugar levels but IT IS NOT A CURE!! other one was that the person did not believe I was on merely insulin. He seemed to think it's impossible. You have diabetes you have to have some form of pills for it. NO THERE ARE NO PILLS FOR TYPE ONE DIABETES!! That's for type 2. Type 2 is the one where you can diet to help your condition. There are pills to help the insulin resistance. You can have extra insulin BUT IN MOST CASES YOU BODY IS STILL ABLE TO PRODUCE INSULIN! Just for some reason it's not making enough, it's not using it right or something is interfering with these processes. And there is gestational diabetes as well but that one ends as soon as the baby is born. And men you don't need to worry about this.

but my message for today

TYPE ONE DIABETES IS REAL, WE NEED INSULIN FROM A OUTSIDE SOURCE TO SURVIVE!! IT'S AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE AND YOU LIVE WITH IT UNTILL YOU DIE! THERE ARE MORE THAN TYPE TWO DIABETES OUT THERE!!!!!!!

I've read some people saying that getting ADHD drugs lessens their creativity. It is one of the positive symptoms of ADHD. Gotta say not happened here. I've written more now with the meds than without. I finished some homework 5 DAYS BEFORE IT WAS DUE! And I got alot done yesterday. Washed some clothes, cleaned my appartment a bit. It's not particularly clean now but in the right direction. I was writing 3 assigments. Read couple of article needed for them. Got some original ideas for all assigments. I even watched 2 movies! The strangest thing is that I can listen to music while doing all of this. Normally I need absolute silence while I read and write. I've got to try writing my story like this.

I've got to say that this is step in the right direction, but I'm still hoping for more. School is still really difficult. It's a bit easier. I can focuse a bit better on what teacher is saying and I can keep thoughts longer in my head. At least long enough to write them down. I get more ideas during lessons. That one was weird. Usually I can't do that since all my energy is going into listening and writing and I keep getting confused with everything going around. Now I could write important points, listen and write at the same time and contribute on the notes. And I think cooking is a bit easier. I can hold thoughts in my head longer definetly. Normally I have to focus on one thing at the time. If I didn't, I'd forget it instantly. I couldn't even think about washing the pot while I had the meat heating up and have music on the background.

All this normality is so weird! Not bad weird. Everything is a bit easier now. I have more energy to focus on other stuff. I can listen to music which I love! Before I could only listen to every once in a while when it didn't interfere with what I was doing. I'm listening to Coldplay right now! And I have not written any lyrics into the text yet! I think..

On a more negative note, I've had more headaches with the meds. I've been having tension headaches for years and now this is making it slightly worse. And I keep drinking ALOT! I want a bigger water bottle for school so I don't need to go fill it during lessons! And I'm still always hungry! 

I am just so glad this hasn't taken away any of the features I love about ADHD. I am still the same lunatic I was before! well not lunatic. Eccentric. Weird. Ok maybe a bit lunatic. But in a good way! I am still the same spontanious, in the moment me I have always been!

More experiences with new meds

I've noticed one thing this past week. I can remember more of my dreams. And I can remember them longer. I can still remember dreams I had earlier this week. Normally I forget them really quickly. Last night I had a dream about been taken as a hostage because some guy needed me for something and wanted to add me into his harem. Half the night I was plotting and planning like I was in some action movie. I really wished I hadn't woken up when I did because now I don't know how I got out.
Most nights I've been having dreams about my theatre group. Understandably since we've still got 2 performances and we've been working really tight lately. And I've had some that are not quite nightmares but almost but they haven't left that anxious feeling when I wake up. I usually get that pretty easily. And I've been more aware that they are dreams and not real. It has some drawbacks. When dreaming about snogging some famous actor, it sucks to know it's a dream...

I have noticed I've accomplished more than normal. And earlier. Usually I get school work done in the evenings when my brain works better. Now I've done alot by 5pm. Downside is that I get tired faster. I fall asleep pretty fast but the rest of the evening is bit of a blur and I can't do anything. I can't even concentrade watching a movie. Today I'm trying taking another pill at later time, hopefully that'll even out it a bit. And hopefully I won't get serious side-effects. I always worry about those. I tend not to get them except with astma meds. Hopefully I get to go out and socialise today. I've been stuck inside doing homework for the last two days, I NEED PEOPLE!!

More thoughts about ADHD

Now this is weird. I'm writing on a second day in a row! I've been making a small list about things I want to say. If I don't write something down in the same second I get the idea, it's lost forever. I think for me this is one of the worst symptoms of ADHD. Too fast brain. I keep forgetting important things like my insulins.

One thing I've been very worried about the meds, is how they will affect my personality. I'm impulsive, I've got a quick wit, I tend not to worry too much since I don't remember the thing I'm worried about for too long. ADHD does affect the personality somewhat. Then one night I realised while trying to fall asleep, I'll still be me. I'd like the impulsitivity to lessen quite a bit. I like being spontanious and I don't like living the same way every day. I love changes. I doubt that will change much no matter what. I'll still adapt. Maybe now I won't get so bored all the time when the every day life is so monotonious. I can't tell yet how this'll affect me. It's still too early for me. But I*m not worried about those effects anymore. I'll be me no matter what!

One of the things I've noticed while theatre practise is that I have alot of trouble to concentrate on the right things. I have to keep battling with my brain all the time. I get distracted so easily. I so wish my acting ability will get somewhat better when I can actually focuse on what I'm doing in that moment rather than everything. Usually I feel like I've got too much on my brain when I'm on stage. 

I haven't noticed much change in me now that this is day 4 on my meds. I don't want much chocolate anymore. Normally I always eat chocolate. And I always want more even though I just ate some. Now I've got at least 3 things I want to start today, lets see how many I actually start. Usually I get nowhere. Well I am here writing this so maybe some improvement is happening. I need to start looking info for one essay on Lingua Franca and start study diary at some point. And I've got to finish that damned English essay. It's giving me too much headache. I just hope I'll be able to read a book properly. Now it's more read line or two, then get sidetracked by something, a noise, thought.. I can't read if there is tv on. If there is any changing noices or lights, it keeps stealing my focuse. I don't want to read for fun since it's so difficult. I want to read but I hate it as well. I very rarely get hyperfocused. Well I can't really remember that happening since high school. Then I could just sit and read Harry Potter book without noticing anything around me. My mom would have to come and nudge me to get my attention. I wish that would happen with my course books but no luck so far...

Oh yeah me!

I just realised I could write something about me.. I am from Finland, born and raised. Eastern Finland to be accurate. I've travelled some, in particular Canada, France and Britain. I'm uncurable Anglophile, sorry!

I'm a nerd, I love scifi. I play some games on PC but my concentration doesn't really cut for playing them. I tend to get mad at the game pretty fast even though I normally almost never get angry. I do like playing car and other simulator games, and Skyrim. But more on the scifi stuff. I am a HUGE Stargate fan although I'll go for anything spacey and techy. My favourite character from Marvel is Iron Man. I love that he's flawed. And this is the reason why I like Loki as a character. I like complex characters. I actually love Snape as well since we don't know much anything about him and it keeps changing throughout the books. Yeah I'm a Harry Potter fan. I don't want to call myself Potterhead since I'm Slytherin. Here is the evidence from last Halloween! Come April I'll propably post something about Stargate Convention.

Right now I am studying English language and culture in University of Eastern Finland. I minor in cultural anthropology. Most of my free time goes into amateur theatre. I sing for fun and I can hold my note. But can't read them. I find it weird. I can read from mid C to first high C but beyond that I'm lost. I've been trying to learn for years. And theoretically I can read the rythm but in practise, not happening!!

I've got several health problems main ones being Diabetes type 1, hypothyroidism and ADHD. At some point, I will post somewhat angry post about diabetes. They tend to happen when ignorant people confuse it with type 2 or forget type 1 excists. I wish it didn't but it does and we have to live with it.

I apologise for the missing articles. I'm getting a bit better with them!! And some of my posts might be a bit confusing since my logic and coherence are a bit.. yeah well.. Oh look, a squirrel!!

ADHD and My Experiences with It

I've always been a bit weird child as long as I can remember. I never liked what the masses like. I was a nerd since I knew how to read. I never got along with the popular kids. I like the real characters. But aaanyway.. I knew something was wrong with me since I was 8. I couldn't read well. It was way to difficult. But with child's logic, I decided to hide it. It took me about two years to learn how to read properly. Once I found an interesting book, Star Wars pocket book, I started reading incredibly fast. I just figured I finally cought up with others.. At high school, I started to get t he reading problems again. What I learned later on that I got hypothyroidism at this point which made the problem worse. I considered going to the nurse with the thought of having Dyslexia. Well I didn't. Then more years later at University, I got the though again going to the nurse with Dyslexia since my reading ability was getting ridiculous. I could not concentrade on anything, I kept forgetting, skipping lines, words.. Noice somewhere, and I forgot everything I read in the last few minutes. At some point here I had read up on ADHD and realised this is me! I couldn't concentrade on anything. I couldn't remember anything more than few seconds untill something else came up. My cleaning was, start pick up things on the floor, "oh there's a fork, I'll take it to kitchen, what's my hair dryer doing in the kitchen, lemme take it to bathroom, oh clothes I'll put those away" and on it goes. I might remember the cleaning part days later when I saw a dust bunny hopping by. I took a test and I got 96 points on concentration and remembering. The limit to suggest ADHD was 75... Finally I made it to doctor's office. Few months after that I got an apointment to psychiatric doctor who leads the team on neuropsychology. At the first appointment he told me it sounded like I've got ADHD and I was so relieved. We made more appointments for diagnosis and treatments. Finally I was getting the help I needed.

At my last appointment, I got a Concerta trial. It is the most often used ADHD medication. It is a stimulant. Its effects last about 10 hours or is supposed to. I've taken it on two days now. Only thing I've notices I am always hungry. Which is sort of ironic since I was warned by the doctor and pharmacist it will most likely take away my appetite. I was already rooting for loosing a few kilos. No such luck. I've taken it on two days and I've noticed, I'm hungry, I get more tired in the evenings. This one could be from exhausting theatre. We're in the middle of a play season. We're just past the midway. I'm always exhausted when I get off stage. But this is more profound. I've fallen asleep more easily than normal. Often I've had trouble falling asleep when my brain won't shut off. It just keeps thinking about thousand things it doesn't need to. I haven't noticed anything in my school work. Well that's not entirely true. I noticed several mistakes in my own essay, which teacher in a few minutes pointed out to me. I've been reading that essay for weeks and not noticed anything.. Not sure if it was the paper form of the essay or the meds. Maybe it is helping since I am here writing this one. I showed some iniative!! and managed to start something. And now I am hungry again although I ate large breakfast about an hour ago. The meds are starting to kick in apparently.

I just thought I'd share my experiences with adult ADHD. It's been a process but an interesting one. I know I'm forgetting alot of stuff for this one but I'll add them in later posts. Like more symptoms and how this is going.